Stellar Sparkles

Just Quietly

I’m getting really frustrated with the fact that from now on, it looks like I will be literally riding solo. A lot of friends and family have fallen by the wayside this year, and although I am somewhat sad to see them leave I know that I must head off on this next phase of my journey alone in order to move forward. On a grand scale it’s scary as hell, but on a smaller scale it’s just frustrating. Knowing that nobody is on the same page as you, nobody wants to do what you want to do, or go where you want to go, or see what you want to see. And even though I know it’s a part of life, I just wish that somehow some friend would pop out of the woodwork who wanted the same equal parts of alone time and adventure time as I do. I don’t want to sit around with the same group of people every damn day, I want to go out and experience life. But I also want to be able to come home to my own space, to my own world where I can be alone and not feel obligated to anyone or feel like I have to keep up ties with someone allll the timeeee. I sort of want a wingman so we can use each other as a propeller on our expeditions. Someone who is equal to me so I don’t have to worry about leaving them behind because they’ve got their own things going on. Not someone to rely on but someone to do things with… without losing our own individuality and identity. I don’t even mean this in a romantic sense, I just want a friend that I can trust and laugh with without having the worry about the politics and the game playing and the stupid selfish agendas - theirs and mine. I don’t want to feel selfish when I have things that I want and I don’t want to feel lonely every time someone doesn’t want to do what I want to do. I want to feel free. Free from myself, from my past and from responsibilities to other people. But how do I get that without permanently riding solo? I don’t know.